Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I'm shooting off to Whitby soon, for the Oct / Nov Goth Festival...I'm very excited, if a little overawed by the sheer sumptuousness of my fellow attendees outfits / preparations. I'm obviously 'modest goth', should I need to pick a category to plonk myself into. I have three frocks, two pairs of boots and two coats...I appear to be somewhat under prepared to my female counterparts currently waxing lyrical on the WGW forum!
Still, it is nice to be going somewhere where difference is celebrated and much beer is consumed. For a taster of the weekend ahead I've been watching YouTube. Don't like putting the full thing in my blog, but the Culture Show article is worth a watch (six mins long, but captures it perfectly):
There was another vid that appears to be 101 things to do with a rose when surrounded by goths...
WGW - Roses Bring Sunshine
And my personal fav, five goths in a tent - a song / photo homage to the event...somewhat tongue in cheek...
Anyhooo...have a good weekend all, I will no doubt be in some pretty states (particularly Friday when we celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary!).
GD: battling a red wine hangover, watching bizarre stuff on YouTube, ON HOLIDAY YAY!!!! and playing at loud decibels The Sisters of Mercy. Particularly Temple of Love.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Introspection isn't really a very useful life pastime. It tends to raise issues with one's self that one really doesn't wish to deal with, change, develops angry tendencies over or just cups their head in their tender (and very cold) hands with a fervent wish for it all to change.
This post isn't about that. It's about the fact that sometimes being a narcissistic blogger and pouring forth all of the festering rot that hides within your core has a value. It has a use. Whilst I appreciate the blogs of others and their views it has a far more basic construct for me than just reaching out to an audience - it allows me to gesticulate wildy in word in a way I am unable to in the *real* world for fear of alienating all those around me.
More, it has given these frozen digits a purpose. A voice. I think of this now because I was going over the archives of my previous blogs (now offline, Breaking the Angel & Spitting Blood). It is notable how they developed the more I wrote.
That's not to say that what I write now is of any purpose or delicacy of form. What I am saying is some of the early entries were excruciating to behold. I cringe when reading some of the past drivel from BTA. By the time I abandoned the vindictive outpourings that characterized the end of said blog, I'd marginally improved but I suspect that was because the writing was informed by rage and pain at the events taking place in my life at that time.
At least I could vent, and Lo! Spitting Blood came into being. It's colourful recounting of my visit to the STD clinic being one of my personal highlights, closely followed by my deconstruction of the *values* of the Chicken Factory I worked in at that time (a metaphorical chicken factory, I should add). It brought home how I felt to the person closest to me who had to stop reading it because of the level of pain expressed within it.
Then we come to The Repository. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I'm often diverted from blogging by giving the girls in my head an outlet to run free and confront the misery of their own personal circumstances (creative writing, folks, I haven't gone barking mad). I think it has informed the fact that these girls express themselves generally in the first person, and that there is so much of myself pouring into Caitlin at the moment that it's a little freaky (she being the she about who my novel is about).
Confused? Try being in my head. Blogging has it's detractors. But for me it gave me a voice when I obviously needed one, albeit a somewhat rusty and awkward squeak. And people. And friends. And it's made me edit myself more thoroughly (is this she, he or it, or could it actually be me? Did I really think that? Am I really such a vindictive bitch?!). So I got wings. And I got caught. But it ain't a bad place to be.
GD: really overly excited about Whitby Goth Festival next week, dreaming of chips, listening to the Mission (UK), amending the short story 'The Moon and Selene' for submission to the Big Girl's Magazine listed in the side bar (Myslexia - EEK! No chance, but if I don't try I won't know...!) and five inches taller in her new goth boots - WAAAYHEEEEY
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Trips you up real good and proper just when the light begins to emerge. Oh, that's not to say things are bad. They're not, just indifferent and bubbling under with future grief.
You can see situations forming but you can be left powerless to do anything. Then there are the problems that you could do something about but choose not to because the person involved caused you great harm in the past. Blood is thicker than water, and I wouldn't ignore an outright plea for help. But if I offer myself on a plate right now I'll get swallow and drained to the very marrow.
So I hold off emotional involvement. At least that's what I tell myself but truthfully it's all bollocks because you can't help not be emotionally involved when this person is so closely related. I can't decide if I just can't be bothered to help, or if their grasping and naked need actually freaks me out so much it causes inaction.
We'll see this weekend when I take steps to address it. It's awful to describe a person as a problem, but they made their bed an awfully long time ago with a seriously deleterious effect on my life and subsequent choices. They had a choice: I did not. They chose to blow it.
GD is: frustrated, slightly sophoric after the osteopath, smelling somehow of patchouli and not knowing how, wishing she was alpha-pretty, wasting time
Friday, October 03, 2008
Your little Ginger Doll has been neither use nor ornament this past day. She's been very happy however, basking some would say, in the glory of achieving her MA in Creative Writing and for a pretty nifty mark for her dissertation. And she got a merit overall!!! Go ME!!!
I've just released the first installment of 'Playing the Angel' to my unsuspecting work colleagues. In fact, to my Chief Executive. Now given that it is somewhat blasphemous and peppered with rather sarcastic observations about...well everything...it shall be interesting to see if I have a job next Wednesday!
Oh well! Eccentricity is a bonus as far as I'm concerned.
And NOW I'm off to allow myself a celebratory glass of gin and tonic.
Chin Chin my friends!
GD is: hyper, happy, pursued by wild dogs (they haven't been fed since breakfast...), probably unemployed and yodelling 'Broken Boy Soldiers' along with the divine Mr Jack White.