Wednesday, July 23, 2008


'I had a dream that we were skating, the ice was thin and we were waiting. To fall right in', All About Eve, Pieces of Our Soul

P's mum is in hospital. Not unexpected, but for many reasons frustrating. She's a prisoner in her own soul.

I'm so very weary, but it can't be anything compared to what he's feeling.

GD: lacking sleep, bruised with light drink, worrying about all and sundry...and so very, very frightened by it all.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

To my extended family

Sigh. Where is one to start? Life has it's highs and lows, and then it has it's strange impasses. This is currently impasse phase. There is nothing bad / unusual / cruel happening to me personally. Instead, life's shittiness has just spread itself against my nearest and dearest and is conspiring to make their lives generally miserable, difficult and often downright unpleasant. For reasons of privacy (theirs, not mine - my life is often a distressingly open book..!) I can't go into the details but if any of them pass by this way, then I'm thinking about you and I'm loving you all very much. Wish I could do more, but right now it feels like my place is to stand helplessly by and hand over the Kleenex when it's appropriate.

For P, because this is very much how you feel and I can give just a little help when you need it:

Dancing In The Dark: Bruce Springfield

I get up in the evening

and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer
radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
baby I just know that there is

You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark

You sit around getting older
there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby this laugh's on me

Stay on the streets of this town
and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you gotta stay hungry
hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book
I need a love reaction
come on now baby gimme just one look

You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

GD is currently: stubbing her stocking clad toes a great deal, weeping over certain passages in certain emails about the previously unknown affection of someone who killed them self some time ago, thinking that age has definitely got its cold grip into my soul as all the adult orientated rock that I so despised in my youth suddenly speaks with perfect clarity, hence the Brucey lyric above. Oh, and I'm wearing purple which clashes tremendously with my hair but I don't care because it's a pretty dress and I'm feeling the need for decoration.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Swiss Roll Breasts, B'God...

I'm all bits and pieces right now. Will concentrate on gluing myself back together with lard, then no doubt normal (if erratic) service will resume. Take care, all.